The thruth about love is it's great when you're in it

I understand that it has been quite a few months since I've written anything. I've been extremely busy with work and life in general that I haven't found the time to write. in the last couple of weeks, I've been re-evaluating a lot of different things. I've hooked up with people that I probably shouldn't have, but what I always come back to is the fact that I am completely in love with Brittany. It fucking sucks, because for some unknown reason to me, she seems to hate me. I need to find someone else to love...

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I've been home for about 3 months now, and things are starting to come back to reality. I might not be in a relationship anymore, but I've been picking up the pieces of what I've left behind. Like I mentioned in my post about burning bridges, I've been spending time with Andy. But I've also been visiting my old stomping grounds and seeing some people I haven't talked to in years. And I've realized that the more things change, the more the stay the same.

BC, has been through a lot in her 16 years on this world, and she seems to make wrong decisions. But deep down, she is a good person. She is strong-willed, independent, and really a good person. She, of course, has her growing pains, but I think that in the end, she'll make it out alright. I really enjoy that she is now a major part of my life. I moved away when she was 12, and now that I am starting my life over again, I am glad that I am "home".

My Adventure

I know that it has been quite a few days since I last posted an entry, but that is because I had one hell of an adventure for the last couple of days. On Friday, I did end up accepting an offer, downtown! I later met up with an old college buddy, Frank, to go to an alumni reception for an organization we were in during college. It was a good time, but throughout the day, Abe kept calling me, because he was having a girl come visit him for the weekend. This girl was someone that he met on New Year's, and he wanted me to come for the weekend to help to break the awkwardness. So, Frank and I went to Chicago, got drunk, and went to Second City to get more drunk. Abe, being a high roller, decided to slip the seater some money to get us front stage seats. Well, if you sit up front, you should expect to be heckled, and sure as shit, they ended up doing a 15 minute sketch on Abe and his "date". We later went back to Abe's where Frank was drunk enough to do karaoke to the boy bands of yore.

The next morning, another one of Abe's buddies from Georgia came in and the group became a little to Southern for me. We went to Ed Debevic's for lunch and Frank and I headed back to our alma mater. Out of respect for myself, I will not say what happened down there, but lets just say that I was put in very awkward situations at Frank's which also happens to be Anne's apartment. I decided not to stay the night there and stayed at some old roommates. Both of them have graduated but not accepted jobs, so I showed them how to find some. So after Frank slept off his Superbowl hangover, we headed back to the region.

Radiohead - In Rainbows

Artist:	Radiohead
Album:	In Rainbows
Release Date:	January 1, 2008
Label:	TBD Records
Rating:	3.5/5

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I've never really been a fan of Radiohead, but I've never really hated them either. To me they were one of the bands from overseas that made it over here with a large fan base. I've noticed that Radiohead fans tend to be diehard ones with Kid A Bear tattoos. I can't say that this album has really changed my mind, but I do like it.

Most of they hype about this album was the "pay what you feel" pricing for it. I did download the album back in October of 2007, but it never really grew on me. Then when it was physically released, I picked it up and put it in my car. The first thing that you notice is how great musicians these guys truly are. Listening to the sounds that their instruments produce through the crisp sounds of cd quality auto and good speakers is much different and superior to 128kbps mp3s through shitty laptop speakers. I've never claimed to be an audiophile, but this album has definitely helped me to notice the difference. Also, I love the packaging on this album. They opted to not go for a jewel case, but rather cardboard and stickers that will allow you to make your own case if need be.

While driving in my car, I noticed that the album made for perfect driving/background music, but none of the songs really engaged me. After a couple of spins, I never found my self singing along. Really, the only song that I tried to learn the lyrics is "House of Cards". I feel that if you are already a fan of the band, you will eat this up. However; if Radiohead has been a band that you never really understood the fascination, you will not change.

Track Listing:
1. 15 Step
2. Bodysnatchers
3. Nude
4. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
5. All I Need
6. Faust Arp
7. Reckoner
8. House Of Cards
9. Jigsaw Falling Into Place
10. Videotape

Burning Bridges

Yesterday, I was watching the Democratic Debate and my friend Andy called me. He let me know that one of the companies that I've applied for contacted him as one of my references. He said that he told them real nice things and that he was able to mention things without me coaching him. The funny thing is that I didn't even tell him that I put him down as a reference.

The reason that I called this entry "Burning Bridges" is because Andy and I have a pass. We met on the bus back in our Kindergarten days. We became friends, but then for whatever reason we became enemies in the schoolyard. Then we became best friends. During High School, I dated a girl for a long time. This relationship really encroached on the friendship I had with Andy. We stopped spending a lot of time together and eventually that girl dumped me. The first person I called was Andy, and he was always there for me. Well eventually, that girl and I got back together only to break up again before I went to college.

When I was gone, I left Andy behind, and then our relationship was once again put aside. Well he ended up becoming really good friends with that girl. I told him at a point that I didn't like the fat that he was spending time with her, but that I wasn't his parents and couldn't tell him what to do. Well a year or so went by and we still hung out and he told me about his crazy adventures and all was well.

I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I started talking to that girl again, and what I learned was that every story that Andy had told me she was involved. And to put the icing on the cake, he told her that he had fallen in lover with her. I felt that I had been lied to for the last couple of years and I stopped talking to Andy for a good two years.

I moved on, burnt my bridges, and started a new relationship with a great girl and spent time with all my new friends. I never went home and never invited anyone to my school. Well in November of 2006, my dad had a stroke. He didn't have any lasting effects, but it was the scariest time of my life. I decided at that point that I should let bygones be gone, and I gave Andy a call. It's been a rough healing process, but now that I have moved back from Jersey, he's been a great friend. We hang out as his work schedule allows, and we may end up living together in the not to distant future.

So the moral of this story is to not burn your bridges. My most current ex started to burn her bridges faster than I would have recommended. She quit a student organization that was her life for 3 years, broke up with me, quit her job, hardly talks to her family, and is only thinking about the future. I think that setting goals and striving towards them is very important. But you need a strong base and foundation. At the end of the day, it is the people that you call friends and family, and the place that you call home that is the most important. Not how much money you have or the car you drive (or in her case the number of shoes you own).

P.S. That image is by Rob Dobi. Go buy one of his T-Shirts!

Dashboard Confessional - The Wire Tapes: Volume 1

Artist:	Dashboard Confessional
Album:	The Wire Tapes: Volume 1
Release Date:	September 2007
Label:	Independent
Rating:	4/5

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Reviewing a cover album is somewhat of a tricky task. Do you rate how well they compare to the originals, or do you rate how well the artist puts his/her own spin on the song? Also, what if you have never heard to original or you hate the original? These are all questions that I will try to balance in this review.

I fell that as a whole this album has a great sense of flow to it. Starting off with the intro all the way to the end, this album is definitely a good step for Chris and D/C. None of the songs on this album are week, just some are much stronger than ever. I can listen to this version of 'El Scorcho' over and over again. However, Chris is definitely not Robert Smith. And no matter how high he tries to pitch is voice, he is not a female. Listening to him recite "If I kiss you where it's sore, will you feel better, better, better" is a little off putting. However, he did not write these songs, so I can not question the lyrical content.

Really, this is a must have album for any fan of D/C. The only problem that I have from this is the choice of The Movielife song. 'Valens' was released on a compilation album. I wish that they would have covered maybe either 'Hey' or 'Sailor Tatoos'. I also find it very nice of the band to cover a Counting Crows song, because Adam Duritz appeared on "Dusk & Summer". Aside from my nitpicking, I really cannot see any reason not to get a copy of this album. After a few listens, you have to argue on which versions you like better. But what really gets me excited is that this is Volume 1. I hope to see multiple volumes along the way!

Track Listing:
1. Theme From Volume 1 (They Might Be Giants)
2. Valens (The Movielife)
3. El Scorcho (Weezer)
4. A Year In The Past, Forever In The Future (Grade)
5. Overkill (Men At Work)
6. If I Needed You(Townes Van Zandt)
7. Angels Of The Silences (Counting Crows)
8. Catch (The Cure)
9. Pretty Pathetic (Smoking Popes)
10. Crazy (The Afghan Whigs)
11. Better (Regina Spektor)

The Events of Yesterday

Yesterday decided to be a cold and windy day, so I had to spend the morning shoveling. Afterwards, my mom and I decided to go to our new favorite restaurant. However, during my shower, I was contacted by a couple of the companies that I've been interviewing with. I thought that I was going to get another offer, but they wanted to know my interest level in another opportunity. I would actually be very excited about this opportunity, but I do need to make decisions about some of the other offers that are on the table.

Anyway, when a server makes a mistake at a restaurant, how are you supposed to address it? We were delivered something that we had not ordered. This restaurant does give free appetizers, so we just assumed that what we were served was free. That ended up not being the case, because we were charged $5 for it.

I later spent most of the day helping my buddy with his job fair, but afterwards I watched the Republican debates. What really pissed me off is that they spent the whole time letting McCain & Romney have their little pissing contests. While leaving Huckabee and Paul without time to speak. But the one that pissed me off the most was the moderator. He always cutoff Paul when he tried to get a point through. I understand that the other two candidates are in the lead, but if you do no let the other parties speak, no one will become educated on their options.

After the debate, I went over to the Floyd's. I started off with Brugge's Black, a light bodied Belgian Ale. I starts off with barely any taste, but then hits you at the end with notes of chocolate, banana, and citrus. After that I had Brouwerij Van Steenberge's Gulden Drakk. This was a very good strong Belgian ale. Heavy-bodied with strong notes of chocolate and toffee throughout. Now, I am not that big of a fan of belgian ale's, but both of these were pretty damn good. But I had to finish off the night with one of my personal favorites: Black Sun Stout.

Set Your Goals

As you all know, I've been in the process of finding a job. Well, my SoKo buddy has come back from Korea. He recently graduated in December with his Bachelor's in Accounting and a minor in Finance; with a modest GPA. Anyway, he decided to go home for a little bit before attempting to find a job. This week was the job fair that the school puts on every semester. So, beforehand, I coached him on what kind of questions that he was going to be asked and we revamped his resume. When was finished with the fair, he called stating that it did not go to well. And that he will need to look online for a job. I later spoke to his roommate, and we discussed how the problem with our circle of friends is that none of them have goals. They all went to college, because it was the natural progression of things to do post high school.

Por ejemplo, my sister, Niz, for example only really went to Purdue University because I did. She picked the same major as me as well as joined the same student organizations. However; she has never had a job, and lives off of the rations that my father provides for her. We sit and talk about her future and what she wants to do, but she is still "finding herself." She doesn't have any goals besides graduating. She doesn't know what she wants to do or where she wants to work. She's changed her major a couple of times. Now, I understand that that seems to be the trend nowadays, but back in the day, I feel that people older than my demographic knew that college was not something to take lightly. Students who went were privileged. They worked hard and were not comfortable with failing. They spent hours in libraries instead of bars and read books instead of Facebook news feeds.

What this diatribe is about is that people need to set goals and strive towards them. I spoke to my mom about this, and we naturally started talking about my father. We both agree with the fact that he became comfortable hating his job. I really think that he should read a book that I read a couple of months ago: Who Moved My Cheese? by Dr. Spencer Johnson. It really emphasizes how we need to continue to chase our dreams even if our dreams are no longer attainable where we are currently.

On a slightly unrelated note, please watch the Republican presidential debate tonight. It will be interesting, because Rudy Giuliani has dropped out. On the Democratic side of things, John Edwards has dropped out.

Step 1: Denial

Friday night ended up being a good day. I ended up receiving an offer. I'll probably take it. However; Saturday was a little different. It wasn't that it was entirely a bad day, it's just that I started to realize/remember things that I didn't really want to.

Abe ended up having a few people over. We ended up going to the same club as last weekend. It was alright, but I wasn't really in the mood to club (really, when am I?). After returning, I went out for a smoke with one of our friends girlfriends. We just ended up talking about relationships and what not, and it was there that I realized/remembered how truly in love I am with Anne. A little side note: the tense of the verb in the previous sentence is correct. So, I spent the next couple of days thinking...

Before all of this happened, I wrote Anne, an e-mail to let her know of my offer(s). She never responded. After a couple of hours, I called her just to talk a bit. She was actually out to dinner with one of my best friends and his girlfriend. So, I let her go. She said that she would call me later on in the weekend. Needless to say, it is Monday night, and my call history does not have her anywhere on it.

Today, I had another interview up in Skokie, and afterwards I hung out with my little sister. She said that she doesn't think that it is fair that she shares everything with me, and that I don't share anything with her. I explained that it's not that I don't share, it's just that I don't have much to say. So, I then went on to tell here what was really going on in my mind and heart. I explained to her that I was depressed, but that I was absolutely in love with the fact that my family is once again in my life. However, we did talk to Anne, and BC (my sister's nickname), like always, knocked me back into reality. She asked me if I was in Denial.

Probably...

For those of you who do not know what I am speaking of, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed a model in her book "On Death And Dying", which had 5 steps:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

This model has later been called the Five Stages of Grief. And it took a 16 year old to point out to me that I was in number 1...

Motion City Soundtrack - Even If It Kills Me

Artist:	Motion City Soundtrack
Album:	Even If It Kills Me
Release Date:	September 18, 2007
Label:
Rating:	3/5

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Here's a test to see if you will like the new MCS:

1. Do you like Synth / Pop?
2. Did you like "Commit This To Memory"?

Results:
• If you answered "yes" to either one of those questions, you will like the new MCS.
• If you answered "yes" to both of those questions, you will love the new MCS.
• If you answered "no" to both, you will maybe tolerate the new MCS.

Personally, I have never been that big of a fan of MCS. I have all three of their full lengths, but I have never really enjoyed them as album makers. I like their songs when they come on random, but not as a whole. This album doesn't change my mindset.

This time around, they have recruited some of the big guns to produce their albums:

• Adam Schlesinger of Fountains Of Wanye and Ivy Fame
• Eli Janney of Girls Against Boys fame
• Rick Ocasek of The Cars fame

They've also recruited some of the top talent from the genre as guests:

Rachel Minton of Zolof The Rock And Roll Destroyer

Additional Vocals on "It Had To Be You", "Hello Helicopter", & "Point Of Extinction"

Max Bemis of Say Anything

Additional Vocals on "Hello Helicopter" & "Point Of Extinction"

Shawn Harris of The Matches

Additional Vocals on "Hello Helicopter" & "Point Of Extinction"

However, with this long list of credits, I haven't noticed much of a creative step from MCS. They make very good pop songs, which I find myself humming along to, but I do not see this album changing lives or having much of a lasting effect. Also, the lyrics are a little cheesy at times (Just listen to the first 30 seconds of "Antonia). But at the end of the day, it is a rather enjoyable album.

P.S. I don't know why, but I love the album art on this. There is something innately pleasing with the color scheme...

Track Listing:
1. Feel In Love Without You
2. This Is For Real
3. It Had To Be You
4. Last Night
5. Calling All Cops
6. Can't Finish What You Started
7. The Conversation
8. Broken Heart
9. Hello Helicopter
10. Where I Belong
11. Point Of Extinction
12. Antonia
13. Even If It Kills Me