Stay Together For The Kids

So, I have always though that much of my family's actions were far from a norm, but then in the last 10 minutes, I started to think that maybe our "norm" is actually problematic. Last week, my parents celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary. I am 22 and a half, so the numbers don't add up all the way. I've never known either of my parents to be real intimate or sensitive, but I felt that their celebration was off-putting. We (not they) celebrated by going out to the most romantic place in the world... Red Lobster. Which is also the most vegetarian friendly place in know. Diner was later followed by a family outing to Sweeney Todd.

Today, however, they were going to spend time alone and go see Jersey Boys. Now I don't remember exactly when my father purchased these tickets, of if they were a Christmas, Anniversary, or Birthday present, but every day until the day of was a fight. But when they got back, they both very much enjoyed the show. My dad went upstairs, my sister and I were using the computer, and my mom was in the kitchen. My mom is usually a very loud, to say the least, person, but she was awfully quiet. So... I asked if she was alright. To which I received no answer. I then found my way to the kitchen, to find her teary eyed. Our conversation went as followed:

"What's Wrong?" "Just right now we're not in sync." "Did you guys talk?" "No, sometimes it's just better to keep my mouth shut."

Now the question that has been running through my head is if this is a loveless marriage? Are they together for the kids? I never really questioned my parents not sharing a bed. And I don't have a clue on how intimate or not they are, but this was the exact opposite reason that I ran home for. I think blink has already written everything I feel:

It's hard to wake up
When the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted
It's so pathetic
It makes no sense at all.
I'm ripe with things to say
The words rot and fall away.
If a stupid poem could fix this home
I'd read it every day.

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost.
It's not right

Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants and this is what
she wants
Then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right

So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone
Will you remember this night, twenty years now lost
It's not right

My Thoughts About Reviews

Today was a very uneventful day. I've been playing this card game with my family called My Word!. It's a fast paced spelling game that inevitably causes verbal bashings.

Anyway, back to the original point. I have been thinking a lot of how I want to do the ratings. Do I rate by song or album? Do I do percentages or stars (and if so how man stars)? What categories do I rate? But then, I read a review of Everything Starts Where It Ends by Lovedrug at this link. And here's the artist's response*:

Dear Mr./Miss TrustxDialect,
I thank you dearly for this gem of advice into my now knowingly trite and useless dream of a career waisted for the past 10 years . You obviously put alot of thought into this and must know more about music than most. To think, I waisted all those years of putting my personal thoughts and feelings into these songs that I slaved over writing; and it took you only two easy listens to figure out that it was all just mindless bullshit. Man, I wish I had your insight. Well, thanks again. And if I decide to attempt to make another album I'll try not to let you down again.

Sincerely,
Michael Shepard

So this got me to thinking that bands have real people in them too. If I had someone critique everything that I did, my feelings would get hurt as well. I give Mike kudos for sticking up for his beliefs. So going along with that, I will only give non-hateful reviews. If I write a review it means that I already like the thing that I am reviewing. Any comment should be taken as my own personal feelings and should no way be taken as offensive.

*originally found on AbsolutePunk.net

Casino

So, last night, I got dragged to Resorts Casino just to watch my buddy turn $60 into a couple hundred bucks. In his "streak of luck", he decided to go big or go home. He ended up losing all of his winnings as well as the $200 he came with. I've never been a gambler, but what was sad to me was looking around and seeing the same exact people that I saw the last time I went there. A lot of people look sad and defeated, and they obviously have a problem/addiction. These places aren't like the Vegas commercials make gambling look. It is actually much more depressing. You see people who do not know when to say enough is enough.

I promise I will start reviewing things shortly. I've been busy with job interviews and watching political debates. But going along with the theme, I'll probably review Chase This Light by Jimmy Eat World featuring "Big Casino".

First Interview of '08

Today, I had my first interview of 2008! However, I wasn't really impressed with the company. It was a (very) small company up in Oakbrook Terrace. Real nice people, but not what I want to do with my life... I probably shouldn't be so picky, but after my last mistake, which ruined my life, I need something that I truly believe. I went out of my way to drive through Chicago today. Before, seeing the city skyline used to make me so happy inside, but as of late, seeing the city makes me upset. How can the city that bore me, not let me work inside it??? Am I so unmarketable that I can't find a real career? But alas, when I got home, I got invited to an interview downtown. Coincidentally enough, the building is the same number, but on the east side of the street my father works on. Creepy... Funny story about my dad and I

• He was born in NJ, went to school in IN, and works in Chicago
• I was born in Chicago, went to school in IN, and worked in NJ

By the way, I have intentions of also rating things that I like (or hate). I might rate movies, music, books, beer, wine, food, sex, drugs, rock & roll, etc...

First

On the last day of the first week of '08, I'm going to try to document the attempts and failures of my days. I have things that I want to do in this life, and if I don't write them down, I may forget... I don't want to call these New Years' resolutions, but coincidentally I need some changes at the beginning of this year

• The first is that I need to find a job as soon as fucking possible.
• Second, is that I need to get back into shape. With me constantly traveling with my previous job and spending all of my time on my ass, I gained a lot of weight. Not to mention, the holiday season didn't help.
• The final thing that I need to find out soon is what is going on with Brittany.

Today was the first time in a couple of weeks that we spoke. And needless to say, it was extremely awkward. I miss her, but I don't know what to do about it. Anyway, I need to decide if there is not only a present, but also a future, or I need to move on. I've been reading Wooden On Leadership by John Wooden, a gift from Judge Meade, and one quote in particular has stood out:

"Love is patient: love is kind. It is not jealous; it is not pompous; it is not inflated; it is not rude; it does not seek its own interest; it is not quick-tempered; it does not brood over injury; it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things."

I think this means I am fucked :)